Monday's lecture was given by Sterling May on conflict Resolution. I am going to use the guidelines he gave to relate to some family issues I have. In context, I struggle with getting along with my parents. I love them and I have a profound sense of gratitude for all that they have done for me in my life, but we don't really see eye to eye. This is something that I'm sure will come up in future relationships. The question that I wish to pose then is: how do you get along with people, showing them love and respect, even though you disagree? I'm sure there isn't a simple answer, but maybe some of the points Sterling highlighted will give me some ground to work with. First of all he said "[I] need the wind" which in the context of his story meant that we need trials and conflicts to make us more resilient in nature. Secondly, he said that "conflict is in direct opposition to [my] growth". This suggests that there is no way I can improve my relationship with my parents if I cannot find a way to resolve or sooth my conflict with them. This is hard to realize sometimes. I tend to think of the situation in terms of "My Parent's Conflict" inhibiting "My Growth". In this light, there is no "me" in the equation. This suggests that I am somehow not apart of the problem, but rather a victim of their parenting. That notion is not true. I am very much apart of this equation and it is through the changing of my attitudes and behavior on the situation that things will get better. Maybe not ideally, but better. My goal is to have them understand my gratitude for them and not see deviance as an attack on them but rather a difference in opinion. Of course, this will not be an easy task. Something Sterling said that I liked in particular was "know yourself". I didn't write any notes down under the statement so he mustn't have gone into the matter too deeply. For me, it doesn't make a lot of sense to characterize others in a conflict if you don't have some insight into who you are. Referring to my Myer-Briggs test results, it lists a few challenges that my personality type faces with others, they are:
1) "[I] have a difficult time speaking up, leading others to believe I have nothing to say or do not care"
2) "too perfectionist" - I think of this in regards to my ideals. Sometimes I have too great of expectations.
3) "[I] may fail to influence or convince others of the merit of my ideas"
So now that I know a couple of specific communication challenges I face, I can get a better idea of how to confront situations with people I disagree. To comment on these specific challenges, I can easily see these tendencies of my personality. In most of my conflicts, especially my parents, there is a lack of communication- and when there is communication, I tend to mold my ideas/opinions to what others (my parents) want to hear because I rationalize that "it's best not to push the issue and let them think they are right" (I do this to avoid the conflict). Unfortunately, though, just because I avoid a conflict doesn't mean it goes away. It is my personality type to internalize my feelings to keep them justified because I know others will not respond well to my disagreements. To some degree, this is good and bad. Sometimes you have to work with others despite disagreements, and you shouldn't go around emphasizing conflicts at every turn. But on the other hand, when I feel someone is sincerely wrong and I disagree with their behavior, especially authorities that have control over my life (like my parents), I allow feelings of resentment and anger to foster. This is obviously not effective or healthy for my relationship with my parents. Although, I may be justified in disagreeing with them, I know that anger is not the solution to coping with the issue.
Sterling listed five methods of action in Conflict Resolution that I wish to comment on. The choices are:
1) Competing - neglecting others concerns.
2) Accommodating - neglecting your own concerns.
3) Compromising - giving up more than competition but less than accommodating.
4) Collaborating - satisfies all members.
5) Avoiding - buys time but also may not resolve the conflict.
Based my thoughts above, I noticed that compromising and collaborating are the only two I haven't tried out. So what do you do when the other party is unwilling to compromise? Give up? Get angry and retreat? No. Sterling said that when dealing with our feelings in situations of conflict we must "acknowledge, deny, put them on the table, or leave them at the door". Finding which is most appropriate for each situation is a delicate balancing game. But having this conversation with myself makes me more educated when playing it.
In regards to my leadership position. These principles will come into play with those that I am not familiar with as well. I feel like acknowledging others concerns and not focusing completely on my own is a good goal to make, if I wish to improve my relationships. It seems to be our/my human nature to also think about "I"- this idea opposes principles of service. Seeing how my leadership role revolves around those concepts- I would be doing myself a favor by actively thinking about others concerns (while still respecting my own). This idea was the foundation of my Leadership book. It characterized being "inside of the box" as only seeing yourself and seeing others as objects- and encouraged getting "out of the box" by seeing others as what they really are... people, with similar concerns as my own. This goal will be the premise of my leadership role over the coming week. I will refer to it in the future.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Time Management
This week we heard from Professor Wadsworth on Time Management. This being something I've struggled with for a long time, her lecture gave me some good ideas to take some first steps in managing my time effectively.
She had us list some of our roles:
Low Stress (Lethargy/Low Performance) - - - Moderate Stress (High Motivation/Energy- High Performance) - - - High Stress (Panic/Indecision - Low Performance)
"We are so used to being reactive rather than proactive"
In order to cope with stress, we must first identify it. Sources of stress include relationships, family problems, financial problems, health problems, school problems, difficult decisions, and personal worry. I particularly enjoyed one insight she gay that went something like this "Society expects you from ages 18-25 to choose your major trajectory in life including a job, family, etc. when you're only 1/4 through your life. Of course you're going to be stressed!"
Negative things I do to cope with stress: procrastinating, sleeping (too much), eating unhealthy comfort foods, getting anger, or becoming despondent.
More healthy options to deal when I am overwhelmed is to: exercise, listen to music, talk with others, read, or do service.
Doing something constructive means you're not really wasting your time.
"If you wait for something to happen, I promise you, it won't happen" - This is something that I definitely need to work on! I live my life ignoring responsibilities under the false assumption that things will just happen. But in reality, they will not. I must determine my values, goals, objectives- and work toward accomplishing them.
Commenting on multi-tasking- Wadsworth said that "It's very ineffective to split your mind into different tasks". I think by putting all of my energy into one objective (capitalizing on my productivity cycle) then I will be able to get things done quicker and of greater worth.
The professor also gave some great potential solutions to the different tasks that we face in our lives. When dealing with an unpleasant task - I could do it right when it is assigned, or find someone else to help/work on it with. Overwhelming tasks - can be resolved by dividing them up and conquering them. She also noted that when you start these large tasks, ride the momentum. If there is an unclear goal then I must ask/seek for clarification and then define my own goals. (By sitting down and determining my own goals for an assignment, I think I could develop more will power and motivation to complete it because I've set an expectation for myself.)
"You outta feel proud of yourself when you accomplish something! Tell yourself good job!"
To up her presentation she gave a final quote that I thought was very true that I've never thought about before:
"If you have a happy life, it's not because you found it that way, it's because you MADE it that way."
These tips are very applicable to my life and my leadership role. Focusing on doing important work when it's not urgent but rather when I have scheduled in advance will greatly reduce that stress that comes with procrastination. Also, determining my goals about particular assignments will give me the direction and motivation that I need to do quality work.
She had us list some of our roles:
- Student This includes doing my homework and striving for knowledge.
- Employee Doing all of my jobs on time and affirming other employees that I am an available resource. (Being organized and completing my jobs on time)
- Son/Brother Letting my family know that I love them, and setting a positive example. (Mostly communicating with home and doing what is good)
- Friend Showing love and care for my friends. Encouraging them to reach their potential and being there for them in times of need. (Sending letters, Making things for them, Socializing)
- Self Affirming my spirituality. Growing as a person. (Reading for pleasure, Assessing the "big picture" of my life.)
- Leader/Others Working on leadership opportunities and serving others.
Low Stress (Lethargy/Low Performance) - - - Moderate Stress (High Motivation/Energy- High Performance) - - - High Stress (Panic/Indecision - Low Performance)
"We are so used to being reactive rather than proactive"
In order to cope with stress, we must first identify it. Sources of stress include relationships, family problems, financial problems, health problems, school problems, difficult decisions, and personal worry. I particularly enjoyed one insight she gay that went something like this "Society expects you from ages 18-25 to choose your major trajectory in life including a job, family, etc. when you're only 1/4 through your life. Of course you're going to be stressed!"
Negative things I do to cope with stress: procrastinating, sleeping (too much), eating unhealthy comfort foods, getting anger, or becoming despondent.
More healthy options to deal when I am overwhelmed is to: exercise, listen to music, talk with others, read, or do service.
Doing something constructive means you're not really wasting your time.
"If you wait for something to happen, I promise you, it won't happen" - This is something that I definitely need to work on! I live my life ignoring responsibilities under the false assumption that things will just happen. But in reality, they will not. I must determine my values, goals, objectives- and work toward accomplishing them.
Commenting on multi-tasking- Wadsworth said that "It's very ineffective to split your mind into different tasks". I think by putting all of my energy into one objective (capitalizing on my productivity cycle) then I will be able to get things done quicker and of greater worth.
The professor also gave some great potential solutions to the different tasks that we face in our lives. When dealing with an unpleasant task - I could do it right when it is assigned, or find someone else to help/work on it with. Overwhelming tasks - can be resolved by dividing them up and conquering them. She also noted that when you start these large tasks, ride the momentum. If there is an unclear goal then I must ask/seek for clarification and then define my own goals. (By sitting down and determining my own goals for an assignment, I think I could develop more will power and motivation to complete it because I've set an expectation for myself.)
"You outta feel proud of yourself when you accomplish something! Tell yourself good job!"
To up her presentation she gave a final quote that I thought was very true that I've never thought about before:
"If you have a happy life, it's not because you found it that way, it's because you MADE it that way."
These tips are very applicable to my life and my leadership role. Focusing on doing important work when it's not urgent but rather when I have scheduled in advance will greatly reduce that stress that comes with procrastination. Also, determining my goals about particular assignments will give me the direction and motivation that I need to do quality work.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Divine Centered Leadership
Monday Lecture: "Divine Centered Leadership"
One principle that was talked about that I enjoyed was the idea of seeing the potential in others. It goes that if you have an open mind to the talents and possibilities of those you are surrounded by, not only can you help them grow as an individual, but you can become a more effective leader by working with others and not taking on everything by yourself. I enjoy this idea because I have seen how others seeing potential in me has allowed me to grow and has improved my self-value. For example, as a sophomore in high school, my friends (who were mostly the year above me) encouraged me to run for student government, and affirmed me that I would do a great job. Only having been at that particular school for one year, I was hesitant because I didn't know very many kids. The idea of putting on a full-fledged campaign promoting my name really intimidated me. "I am probably not the best person for this job. All these other kids have been in the program for years" I thought to myself in self-doubt. But it was because my friends were mature and concerned enough to see the light in me. I decided to run and I won a spot in the student government. I felt quite accomplished. It turns out that my friends lit a fire in me. I began putting in much more effort in to everything that I did. They were great examples to me. They challenged themselves academically, heavily involved in school, were incredibly genuine and compassionate; it was pretty extraordinary to me and I wanted to be a product of their example. Turns out, I became just that. I attribute some of my great accomplishment in life to the humble example that my high school friends were to me. Setting a bar for me that they knew I was more than capable of reaching. Because of their influence in my life, I hope and strive to do the same for those I can inspire. Whenever I meet someone new, I focus on their light and potential. Being negative and judgmental is crippling beyond what we can imagine and is a great disservice to others. To use the scriptures as an example, I envision those who are judging with a sharp eye to be those who tried to draw Lehi and his family away from the iron rod; to face ultimately a vain life filled with falsehoods and sorrows. Whereas Lehi, standing and partaking of the fruit of the tree of life, is a man who sees that good and potential in his children and wants so desperately for all of them to share in the love of God. I would never want to attributed to a group of people who led others into the darkness and corruption of man. Instead, I aim to be the type of friend that someone can look back on and say "he was such a great influence on my life". I feel that in the end, a more silent and humble type of leadership is what can have profound impacts on others life. Because not only are you trying to lead people in the right direction, but they are praising you for showing them the light and helping them to realize something they possibly otherwise would have never found.
Sid Meeting: This week at the Students for International Development meeting, we sat in specialized forums according to our interests in development. My group accounted for those involved in the fight against poverty. Each person in the group got to speak on how they are staking their claim in development and it was rather extraordinary to see how much passion these individuals had. Many spoke of internships they have participating in which brought them to the front lines of global problems. One recurring theme during this group was the abundant resources available for those interested in vesting themselves in making a difference globally. One director over an internship said "You can do anything, and I mean anything, and BYU can help you pay for it. I only realized this my senior year too, I wished I would have known earlier." This inspired me to be thankful that i've made decisions to inquire about my opportunities to get involved, because I know in the long run they will open many doors and lead to great productivity. More simply, I feel very privileged to be where I am now. At a university that is dedicated to helping their students follow their dreams. Also at this meeting was a man named Scott Jackson, representative of the Clinton Global Initiative, introduced how this organization sought to collaborate student led efforts on campus. He suggested that there are so many resources on campus, people willing to help people. I spoke to him about my work with NIKA, and my desire to expand the effort on campus. We've exchanged contact information and I am excited to see how to move this effort forward.
Goals for the next week in regards to my personal life and leadership role:
- Do a random act of service for someone in my dorm.
- Get organized.
- Write one letter to someone back home.
- Go on a run every night.
- Remind myself to "be the change I wish to see in the world"
- Standing up for what I believe.
- Encourage those around me of their potential.
One principle that was talked about that I enjoyed was the idea of seeing the potential in others. It goes that if you have an open mind to the talents and possibilities of those you are surrounded by, not only can you help them grow as an individual, but you can become a more effective leader by working with others and not taking on everything by yourself. I enjoy this idea because I have seen how others seeing potential in me has allowed me to grow and has improved my self-value. For example, as a sophomore in high school, my friends (who were mostly the year above me) encouraged me to run for student government, and affirmed me that I would do a great job. Only having been at that particular school for one year, I was hesitant because I didn't know very many kids. The idea of putting on a full-fledged campaign promoting my name really intimidated me. "I am probably not the best person for this job. All these other kids have been in the program for years" I thought to myself in self-doubt. But it was because my friends were mature and concerned enough to see the light in me. I decided to run and I won a spot in the student government. I felt quite accomplished. It turns out that my friends lit a fire in me. I began putting in much more effort in to everything that I did. They were great examples to me. They challenged themselves academically, heavily involved in school, were incredibly genuine and compassionate; it was pretty extraordinary to me and I wanted to be a product of their example. Turns out, I became just that. I attribute some of my great accomplishment in life to the humble example that my high school friends were to me. Setting a bar for me that they knew I was more than capable of reaching. Because of their influence in my life, I hope and strive to do the same for those I can inspire. Whenever I meet someone new, I focus on their light and potential. Being negative and judgmental is crippling beyond what we can imagine and is a great disservice to others. To use the scriptures as an example, I envision those who are judging with a sharp eye to be those who tried to draw Lehi and his family away from the iron rod; to face ultimately a vain life filled with falsehoods and sorrows. Whereas Lehi, standing and partaking of the fruit of the tree of life, is a man who sees that good and potential in his children and wants so desperately for all of them to share in the love of God. I would never want to attributed to a group of people who led others into the darkness and corruption of man. Instead, I aim to be the type of friend that someone can look back on and say "he was such a great influence on my life". I feel that in the end, a more silent and humble type of leadership is what can have profound impacts on others life. Because not only are you trying to lead people in the right direction, but they are praising you for showing them the light and helping them to realize something they possibly otherwise would have never found.
Sid Meeting: This week at the Students for International Development meeting, we sat in specialized forums according to our interests in development. My group accounted for those involved in the fight against poverty. Each person in the group got to speak on how they are staking their claim in development and it was rather extraordinary to see how much passion these individuals had. Many spoke of internships they have participating in which brought them to the front lines of global problems. One recurring theme during this group was the abundant resources available for those interested in vesting themselves in making a difference globally. One director over an internship said "You can do anything, and I mean anything, and BYU can help you pay for it. I only realized this my senior year too, I wished I would have known earlier." This inspired me to be thankful that i've made decisions to inquire about my opportunities to get involved, because I know in the long run they will open many doors and lead to great productivity. More simply, I feel very privileged to be where I am now. At a university that is dedicated to helping their students follow their dreams. Also at this meeting was a man named Scott Jackson, representative of the Clinton Global Initiative, introduced how this organization sought to collaborate student led efforts on campus. He suggested that there are so many resources on campus, people willing to help people. I spoke to him about my work with NIKA, and my desire to expand the effort on campus. We've exchanged contact information and I am excited to see how to move this effort forward.
Goals for the next week in regards to my personal life and leadership role:
- Do a random act of service for someone in my dorm.
- Get organized.
- Write one letter to someone back home.
- Go on a run every night.
- Remind myself to "be the change I wish to see in the world"
- Standing up for what I believe.
- Encourage those around me of their potential.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)