Final Blog

Blog 12/3

Goal Setting & Decision Making

This week we heard from the BYUSA President Chris Peterson. He discussed with us about setting goals and making decisions. I really enjoyed the hour, listening to all of Chris's insights and really getting the feeling that I was gaining knowledge of core principles that would help me to gain inner clarity.

Chris focused his attention to something that I found very useful, that of thinking. Our thoughts determine our actions which makes them all the more important.

Teamwork

I will start by saying I loved this lecture! I was really able to connect to the message and I was inspired because I knew of the truth that was being spoken. Such a simple idea is so revolutionary. TEAMWORK. The concept is rather extraordinary, pulling together to accomplish great things. The possibilities are endless for the benefits that a group could reap if they implemented this practice effectively into anything. Now, in the past, I haven't had the best experience with teamwork and I have found it to be rather painstaking to attempt to pull everyone together to agree, but I'm excited to explore ideas that are more effective. I'll preface my thoughts about this lecture by giving a little background of my previous weekend. The few days before this lecture, I was attending a retreat in Heber, Utah called "Inner Child". I know it sounds silly, but the experience I had this last weekend has a profound impact onto my life. What it ultimately comes down to is dispelling fear from my life- because it does not serve me. In the past I would goofy thoughts that would keep me from accomplishing things, and above all giving and receiving love. But through this retreat, I was able to open up and realize the beauty in others and in myself. In a house with 14 people, we spent 4 days really getting to know each other. Realizing how each of us was holding ourselves captive by things in our life that we wished to be free from. It was such an eye opening experience to feel the pain that others feel, but keep so hidden. Though letting these things go, we all were able to come so close and develop a level of confidence and enthusiasm for life that is beyond description. It has led me to feel a great amount of excitement to the opportunities and joys that this life has to offer. I may sound like a hippy saying this but so much is possible though love. Affirming others that you truly care about them and their success leads to effort and dedication that is superior to all else. We are all in this together, as brothers and sisters, we can work together to live the life we have all imagined. There is so much strength in teamwork and relationships.

I want to transform my surface relationships into solid and significant ones. I have people in my life that are indispensable to my progress and accomplishment in my life. I seek to do the same for them. They are so priceless to me that I am willing to sacrifice whatever it takes for their benefit.

A quote that the speaker said that I particularly enjoyed was "if you don't love the people on your team, you won't find success." I find this so important to have a firm understanding of. When working with others whether they be peers, friends, or family- if you have no concern for their wellbeing or love for them, then they will in turn offer you no concern. This sort of dynamic leads to very weak and ineffective connections. If we learn to support, encourage, and guide others to be their very best- then the obstacles we face will be so easily triumphed.

My resolution in my leadership role as a friend and a humanitarian is to show others their potential thorough love and encouragement.

Ethical Leadership

"Ethical leadership is knowing your core values and having the courage to live them in every aspect of your life."

This week we heard from Steve Baker on ethical leadership. This topic sparked my interest because it gets down to the core of who we are as individuals. It led me to question what my core values are. I realized that I need to do a little work on determining them with the upmost certainty so I can stand by them unwaveringly. I seem to think that values are determined trough life experience. I mean I feel like my core moral code of ethics is not something I could just formulate in one blog post and then stick to it for the rest of my life. But rather I know by staying true to who I am and what I believe now, will lead me to places in life where I can grow my moral understanding through experience. For example, this past few weeks I have been volunteering at the Mountainland Headstart (a non-profit pre-school). Through this volunteering I have gained a much better understanding about the importance of my role in those children's lives. They really don't have a voice, and it is up to those of us who can speak for them to do so. It has cleared up hazy thoughts that rationalized that I could have little impact on a child's life because "things just are the way they are". By exposing myself to the world, I am realizing that my perceptions mostly always change- and my sense of morality, or what is right, is strengthened. One of the questions that was raised during the lecture was whether or now keeping one's integrity is "worth it"? The answer apparently is "absolutely" but I feel it deserves a little better understanding. From my very limited experience in this life, I have realized that when you are honest with yourself and others and do your best to fulfill your positive intentions the universe seems to conspire for the good of yourself and others. It sounds a little magical and silly, but this idea of karma (doing the right thing will come back to benefit you) really does hold true. If not only in the fact that by doing what I know is right, my entire attitude changes for the better and the adversities of life seem so trivial. In my leadership role, whether that be a son, friend, self, student, or humanitarian- inspiration is key. In order to effectively inspire others- an overall sense of good intentions and integrity is key in successfully driving your cause forward. Although, I will make mistakes because reality does not transcend my perfect intentions, I can feel confident in knowing that my intentions were good and I tried my very best. Something that I am struggling with that I think relates to this idea of personal integrity is self discipline. I find it difficult to stay true to what I know is right, what I know I should do, how I know I should act, and how I know I should think. I seem to wavering in my actions. Integrity calls for self-dicipline. I am seeking to develop this sense of "courage" that will allow me to be true and constant. Once I do, trust, respect, peace, and happiness will radiate in me and others I lead. I must begin now, to be who I know I must- giving no regard to fear.

Servant Leadership

I wasn't able to attend class on Monday, but I did get the principles of what was discussed during Wednesday's Lab presentation that Macy gave. This topic in particular is pretty close to my heart. The idea of humble leadership, showing others their potential and lifting them up to reach it, is, to me, among the greatest human attainment. It exemplifies to me what Jesus Christ represents to Christians across the world. A profound love that enables us to sacrifice our own will to fulfill the will of others". It reminds me of a great scripture "greater love hath no man than he lay down his life for a friend." Seeing how the physical surrender of my life will not save anyone, I must look to understand the principle this scripture offers and implement it into my life. I see it this way "greater love hath no soul than they devote their works to another". Because at the end of the day, something inside of me affirms that that is what Christ would have me do. I know it is right. Macy highlighted some characteristics of a servant leaders that I wish to evaluate, and implement into my own life and leadership role.

• Involved Opportunities to be a servant leader arise when we become involved. Instead of being so overwhelmed with the daily grind, thinking "I don't have time for that, this is far more important"- I must realize the balance that my life needs in areas academically, physically, leadership-ically :) , and spiritually. I am resolving to make more time for getting involved and helping others. I can do this by being more organized in my time management and scheduling out specific times that I have free to do service/work on service opportunities.
• No Glory above all. The idea that leadership/service is about me and my needs is incredibly vain. Humility will open so many doors and accomplish so much. It is absolutely required for being a servant leader.
• Sacrifice Needs I think there is a distinction to be made in my everyday thinking between my needs and my wants/feel like needs but really aren't. I desire to shift my focus away from things I do not truly need in my life. By doing this I think it will cleanse mind/attitude- opening the door for more effective opportunities to serve. I can start by eliminating small things in my life that aren't doing me or any others any good.
• Let Others Grow Something that is hard to realize is that I cannot grow for others. Dropping a week's supply of food in a starving village will not be nearly as beneficial as to focusing on a system that will allow the village to bring themselves out of poverty.
• Love I wish was a simpler concept. But the idea in my life is harboring a sincere love for those I wish to serve. By taking into account the concerns of others, I can sincerely share in the pain of their affliction and I can focus my attention on how I can contribute to consolation.
• Quiet Dignity/Grace I feel like this comes with doing the above. It's not something I should focus on creating but rather something that come naturally when one becomes a servant leader. This is a good tool, although, in recognizing other servant leaders to share in your objective.

This week at the Students for International development meeting, my eyes were opened to the value of an education. In a group activity, using the staircase in the JFSB, we created a visual representation of access to an education in developing countries. While most of the group ascended to the 1st - 3rd grade level of education, only one (out of about 50) made it to the top where he received a college education. In hindsight, all 50 of the BYU students participating in the activity had made it to the top, and most of them hadn't realized this. I take for granted my access to an education. The opportunities for knowledge provided in my life are very rare elsewhere in the world. I feel like it is my responsibility to use what I have been given to give to others.

"Leadership is the special quality which enables people to stand up and pull the rest of us over the horizon."

Conflict Resolution

Monday's lecture was given by Sterling May on conflict Resolution. I am going to use the guidelines he gave to relate to some family issues I have. In context, I struggle with getting along with my parents. I love them and I have a profound sense of gratitude for all that they have done for me in my life, but we don't really see eye to eye. This is something that I'm sure will come up in future relationships. The question that I wish to pose then is: how do you get along with people, showing them love and respect, even though you disagree? I'm sure there isn't a simple answer, but maybe some of the points Sterling highlighted will give me some ground to work with. First of all he said "[I] need the wind" which in the context of his story meant that we need trials and conflicts to make us more resilient in nature. Secondly, he said that "conflict is in direct opposition to [my] growth". This suggests that there is no way I can improve my relationship with my parents if I cannot find a way to resolve or sooth my conflict with them. This is hard to realize sometimes. I tend to think of the situation in terms of "My Parent's Conflict" inhibiting "My Growth". In this light, there is no "me" in the equation. This suggests that I am somehow not apart of the problem, but rather a victim of their parenting. That notion is not true. I am very much apart of this equation and it is through the changing of my attitudes and behavior on the situation that things will get better. Maybe not ideally, but better. My goal is to have them understand my gratitude for them and not see deviance as an attack on them but rather a difference in opinion. Of course, this will not be an easy task. Something Sterling said that I liked in particular was "know yourself". I didn't write any notes down under the statement so he mustn't have gone into the matter too deeply. For me, it doesn't make a lot of sense to characterize others in a conflict if you don't have some insight into who you are. Referring to my Myer-Briggs test results, it lists a few challenges that my personality type faces with others, they are:

1) "[I] have a difficult time speaking up, leading others to believe I have nothing to say or do not care"
2) "too perfectionist" - I think of this in regards to my ideals. Sometimes I have too great of expectations.
3) "[I] may fail to influence or convince others of the merit of my ideas"

So now that I know a couple of specific communication challenges I face, I can get a better idea of how to confront situations with people I disagree. To comment on these specific challenges, I can easily see these tendencies of my personality. In most of my conflicts, especially my parents, there is a lack of communication- and when there is communication, I tend to mold my ideas/opinions to what others (my parents) want to hear because I rationalize that "it's best not to push the issue and let them think they are right" (I do this to avoid the conflict). Unfortunately, though, just because I avoid a conflict doesn't mean it goes away. It is my personality type to internalize my feelings to keep them justified because I know others will not respond well to my disagreements. To some degree, this is good and bad. Sometimes you have to work with others despite disagreements, and you shouldn't go around emphasizing conflicts at every turn. But on the other hand, when I feel someone is sincerely wrong and I disagree with their behavior, especially authorities that have control over my life (like my parents), I allow feelings of resentment and anger to foster. This is obviously not effective or healthy for my relationship with my parents. Although, I may be justified in disagreeing with them, I know that anger is not the solution to coping with the issue.

Sterling listed five methods of action in Conflict Resolution that I wish to comment on. The choices are:
1) Competing - neglecting others concerns.
2) Accommodating - neglecting your own concerns.
3) Compromising - giving up more than competition but less than accommodating.
4) Collaborating - satisfies all members.
5) Avoiding - buys time but also may not resolve the conflict.

Based my thoughts above, I noticed that compromising and collaborating are the only two I haven't tried out. So what do you do when the other party is unwilling to compromise? Give up? Get angry and retreat? No. Sterling said that when dealing with our feelings in situations of conflict we must "acknowledge, deny, put them on the table, or leave them at the door". Finding which is most appropriate for each situation is a delicate balancing game. But having this conversation with myself makes me more educated when playing it.

In regards to my leadership position. These principles will come into play with those that I am not familiar with as well. I feel like acknowledging others concerns and not focusing completely on my own is a good goal to make, if I wish to improve my relationships. It seems to be our/my human nature to also think about "I"- this idea opposes principles of service. Seeing how my leadership role revolves around those concepts- I would be doing myself a favor by actively thinking about others concerns (while still respecting my own). This idea was the foundation of my Leadership book. It characterized being "inside of the box" as only seeing yourself and seeing others as objects- and encouraged getting "out of the box" by seeing others as what they really are... people, with similar concerns as my own. This goal will be the premise of my leadership role over the coming week. I will refer to it in the future.